Nigeria is a peculiar country such that we don’t feel or show concern in the conventional way, this is a list pf the typical ways we do show concern:
AMEBO
Very popular yet underrated. These people can legit do some real damage in one’s life when they get concerned. The sad but true fact is that they know your problems sometimes even before you do, they also sometimes complicate it without knowing and very rarely help solve it. They usually have tiny legs that can carry them anywhere and everywhere and also come in categories; the ones who try too hard, the ones to whom gists come naturally and the Brandons who just happen to know everything about everyone. Usually amebos don’t fake concern, because come to think about it, you’re just another gist. How do you deal with them? Honestly I don’t know but remember, if you encourage them to tell you about other people, you’ll have to drop something for them to say about you, but what do I know?
MENTOS
These group seem like a tough nut to crack until you get to know them a little better just like Mentos. They seem not to care about anything and are usually the hard ones, however they give the best advice because they are honest and will rip it off like a band aid, don’t go to them if you’re not ready for the truth. They are the realest and their concern for you is real.
CHEERLEADERS
These people seem harmless but are actually dangerous like a ticking time bomb. The reason we ask for advice is because we can’t help ourselves and need an objective view but mostly because we need someone to talk to and make us feel like we’re not the only ones while feeling special at the same time. The cheerleaders will not give any advice but will support any decision you make. This is good only when you’re making the right choice which we don’t always make and that’s what makes them dangerous, because they will support even our mistakes and usually just like any other group on this list, you won’t know until you have problems and approach them, and the results will tell you which group you just approached.
FAKE CONCERN
These ones don’t care about you one bit and will be happy to be rid of you. They are usually the ones who carry your matter on their heads and eventually end up giving you a selfish advice. How do you know? Usually, the advice will seem simple, palatable and in line with your reasoning. The next thing you know, life haff spoil and the gist is everywhere while they conveniently remove themselves from your situation.
TRAFFIC WARDENS
We all know who traffic wardens are, one thing tho is that while they look and direct cars, what happens in those cars are usually none of their business and they keep it that way. In short, these group of people do not even know you have problems, they face their business and that alone so if you need them, you have to call them into your matter else, they can’t see you o.
Thank you so much for reading this update, we look forward to seeing you this Friday for the family saga. Today happens to be my parents’ wedding anniversary so gotta go.
LOVE
❤
OMO AYAN
Monday, June 17, 2019
Friday, June 7, 2019
UNDER MY UMBRELLA ELLA…EH
Just like food, fashion also comes in seasons especially certain articles peculiar to certain weather conditions. All over the world, clothes or articles out of season tend to be cheaper and that tickles the mind of the skillful spender to buy such articles when out of season as they are noticeably cheaper. “All over the world” yet not in Nigeria. Each year I will myself to get an umbrella during dry season and this year I surprised myself and actually got around to getting myself one. Well, I tried, that is, until I got to the store and I saw an exceedingly plain umbrella, I mean the kind of umbrella you forget in the bus, just plain ol’ Mary Jane umbrella that can’t fit into your bag or anywhere sensible and yet not creatively appealing, of moderate size when open and all but since I wanted an umbrella and that was what they had, I was like “why not?” so I checked the tag and guess what, it was one thousand five hundred naira, let me put it in figures, 1500
for the umbrella. My very first thought was “am I the God who’s raining the rain? I was bewildered. Eventually I just resorted to “whoever doesn’t get beaten by either rain or sunshine will be beaten by poverty” and I walked out. Let’s just say up till today, as in June, first of its name, the month of rain and beginning of the nine-month goodness, I still don’t have an umbrella.
This brings me to a list of types of people during a rainfall
A. UMBRELLA!!
These ones either by skill, God given talent or sheer dedication always find themselves with umbrella whenever it rains. These are upright people, I guess so I doubt they would have stolen it, moreover if some people did not bring umbrella, there would be nothing to steal, so they are no figment of imagination, they are real and they dwell amongst us, humans. These people are usually female and they are the ones with extra pad, shower cap, umbrella, etc. not that it is wrong but sometimes allow yourself to forget something, bad behaviour right? Well, for some of us its normal everyday behavior. Funny part, they never forget it where they sit, very articulate people I tell you. Sometimes they also tend to be the over sabi in class and when they’re going, they’ll still on umbrella on bike or fight cab driver for not allowing them enter and fold their umbrellas well before moving.
UMBRELLA?
These set, bottom line do not have umbrellas handy whenever it rains. Some get really frantic and beat themselves up for it, some others just don’t care because they know they don’t even own one, moreover umbrella is the smallest of their problems while some others form as though they brought the umbrella and it miraculously vanished at the nick of time just when they needed it most and then there are people like me, we count it as fate after all, ‘God has willed it’.
These type are the ones we’re talking about today. They are:
THE ATTACHÉ
These ones don’t understand either the physics, chemistry, math or simple logic in that this umbrella was made for one person, they still find a way of saying, ‘if you move like this, it will contain us’. Very selfish people who diligently ensure that both the owner and borrower i.e. them, gets soaked, the owner more than the borrower.
THOR
These people are downright aggressive and are part of the ‘it’s not far gang’, they don’t run from rain in fact they’ll tell you ‘when I’m not salt’. They’ll brave it and walk briskly in the rain. They also usually wear all those shoes like the one Abraham travelled with. When it eventually gets tough, they are the ones you find under filling station or corn seller’s umbrella.
OH GOD!
These people always have a reason to complain. They are the ones who have clothes they have spread or they want to spread, they have work the next day as if the rest of us will sleep at home, they have one thing or the other the rain has deprived them of as if it’s convenient for the remaining of us and the keep buzzing like bees boring everyone around them including the thors seeking refuge with them under the same filling station.
LAZY AND UNEMPLOYED
We all know unemployment plagues Nigeria but the hardworking ones still hustle. These people don’t hustle, they just sleep and await manna. They are the ones that will post, ‘weather for two’ with one yeye 18+ picture like that on Facebook free mode. Eventually, they are the ones that impregnate on first try, well, what can we say? Wehdone Sir
AWON T’ABACHA
Whether legitimately or fraudulently, these ones don’t know when its raining or more specifically they don’t feel it. I mean from chauffeured well air-conditioned car to remote controlled gate, paneled floors and a host of staff both at home and at work, they are the ‘when you’re made, you’re made’.
This is a list for those of us without cars, there will be another list for the types of drivers in the rain.
Thank you so much for reading and constantly following this blog. We love you and God loves you more.
Love,
❤
OMO AYAN.
for the umbrella. My very first thought was “am I the God who’s raining the rain? I was bewildered. Eventually I just resorted to “whoever doesn’t get beaten by either rain or sunshine will be beaten by poverty” and I walked out. Let’s just say up till today, as in June, first of its name, the month of rain and beginning of the nine-month goodness, I still don’t have an umbrella.
This brings me to a list of types of people during a rainfall
A. UMBRELLA!!
These ones either by skill, God given talent or sheer dedication always find themselves with umbrella whenever it rains. These are upright people, I guess so I doubt they would have stolen it, moreover if some people did not bring umbrella, there would be nothing to steal, so they are no figment of imagination, they are real and they dwell amongst us, humans. These people are usually female and they are the ones with extra pad, shower cap, umbrella, etc. not that it is wrong but sometimes allow yourself to forget something, bad behaviour right? Well, for some of us its normal everyday behavior. Funny part, they never forget it where they sit, very articulate people I tell you. Sometimes they also tend to be the over sabi in class and when they’re going, they’ll still on umbrella on bike or fight cab driver for not allowing them enter and fold their umbrellas well before moving.
UMBRELLA?
These set, bottom line do not have umbrellas handy whenever it rains. Some get really frantic and beat themselves up for it, some others just don’t care because they know they don’t even own one, moreover umbrella is the smallest of their problems while some others form as though they brought the umbrella and it miraculously vanished at the nick of time just when they needed it most and then there are people like me, we count it as fate after all, ‘God has willed it’.
These type are the ones we’re talking about today. They are:
THE ATTACHÉ
These ones don’t understand either the physics, chemistry, math or simple logic in that this umbrella was made for one person, they still find a way of saying, ‘if you move like this, it will contain us’. Very selfish people who diligently ensure that both the owner and borrower i.e. them, gets soaked, the owner more than the borrower.
THOR
These people are downright aggressive and are part of the ‘it’s not far gang’, they don’t run from rain in fact they’ll tell you ‘when I’m not salt’. They’ll brave it and walk briskly in the rain. They also usually wear all those shoes like the one Abraham travelled with. When it eventually gets tough, they are the ones you find under filling station or corn seller’s umbrella.
OH GOD!
These people always have a reason to complain. They are the ones who have clothes they have spread or they want to spread, they have work the next day as if the rest of us will sleep at home, they have one thing or the other the rain has deprived them of as if it’s convenient for the remaining of us and the keep buzzing like bees boring everyone around them including the thors seeking refuge with them under the same filling station.
LAZY AND UNEMPLOYED
We all know unemployment plagues Nigeria but the hardworking ones still hustle. These people don’t hustle, they just sleep and await manna. They are the ones that will post, ‘weather for two’ with one yeye 18+ picture like that on Facebook free mode. Eventually, they are the ones that impregnate on first try, well, what can we say? Wehdone Sir
AWON T’ABACHA
Whether legitimately or fraudulently, these ones don’t know when its raining or more specifically they don’t feel it. I mean from chauffeured well air-conditioned car to remote controlled gate, paneled floors and a host of staff both at home and at work, they are the ‘when you’re made, you’re made’.
This is a list for those of us without cars, there will be another list for the types of drivers in the rain.
Thank you so much for reading and constantly following this blog. We love you and God loves you more.
Love,
❤
OMO AYAN.
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