HOW TO BE AN ARMED ROBBER

There are some basic tips to being a successful professional armed robber. Where most armed robbers get it wrong is starting from the typical beginning e.g. getting a gang together, how to source for arms and ammunition, getting informants and information, etc. when in reality you should start by going to court. The court is an open place and as such you can sit through proceedings and understand where their predecessors for it wrong, the loopholes in the law and the inevitable end of all things. If their minds are not changed only then can they truly rob. This seems unreasonable right? It could even help to source for arms, unreasonable but tested and trusted.

Now unto how to get ‘customers’, a poor thief will only attract poor victims, think big but not unrealistically so. Have the perfect cover, be a friendly neighbor, a responsibly looking person, be very intelligent such that you need not always physically rob and keep your identity hidden always. Remember this however, all things come to an end, always think of the end.

Finally, come to think of it, why are you reading this? Should I be concerned? Do I need to call law enforcement? ‘Tested and trusted’ by whom? Wait a minute, what is going on in your head? And more specifically what’s going on in mine? Na joke o! I’m not encouraging armed robbery at all so do not take this seriously, I repeat, na joke o😂




Thanks for sticking by me and always reading my updates. I appreciate you all.



Love,
OMO AYAN
💋

5 REACTIONS TO FRESH CORN

1. THE FAMZER
These ones don’t know what to do or how to react to a sweet cob of corn gazing at them or more specifically the ones they are staring at,

 so they become fidgety as a function of their indecision. Most of them eventually succumb to their innate desires and the start famzing you just to get corn, what will human beings not do for corn?

2.  OWL GANG
These set of people don’t approach you to say anything but they are not discreet when looking at you, who am I kidding? They stare until you get uncomfortable. I want to believe it’s a universal rule that you don’t stare at strangers and if at all you do and get caught, you avert your gaze post haste, as in immediately!! But these people seem to ignore this rule and in fact disregard it as though it doesn’t exist.

 So for people like them, I either keep eating my corn jejely or when it gets really uncomfortable, put it in my bag. However any day I feel like causing trouble I give it to someone else and believe me when I say the look of hatred on their faces is to die for, very hilarious.

3. THE INQUIRER
They are the educated ones who use style and finesse to beg for corn, they are usually like, ‘sorry, where did you get that?’, ‘it smells so nice, it looks delicious, how much did you get it?’, ‘I would really like to get corn but I don’t have change’, ‘ is it from that woman over there you purchased it from?’, etc

and such other questions as may arise, especially with English words that no one uses in this age and time. These annoying questions just make you want to cut small for them in exchange for your peace of mind. The most annoying part is when you know that’s what they want and they’re still playing hard to get on top your own corn. You're almost tempted to give them money, like 'take and go and buy your own'.

4. THE N0-NONSENSE
These ones cannot come and go and kill themselves so they walk up to you and say what’s on their mind. These are the realest and are the ones you eventually become great friends however just like every good thing, they are rare to find. I mean imagine giving a speech at their wedding and you start with, ‘we met on a sunny afternoon when she approached me to cut corn for her’. Don’t get me wrong, they can be equally annoying especially when they catch you at a bad time or they just happen to be naturally annoying people then you start with ‘ some people naturally just don’t  have manners’  but usually they are the goats literally and figuratively.

5. THE CUT-FOR-ME GANG
Finally, whether these ones are friends or not, cutting corn for someone is not an easy task, it’s a real test of friendship especially when it is fresh and delicious but what can we do? Don’t be misled; some Muslims will not fast on different days for different reasons so never think your corn is safe, you just may be shocked.

Always carry your corn on your person I repeat, NEVER EVER LEAVE YOUR CORN LONELY.

 However, Since some people are gluttons, I have to give some tips, NEVER EVER TELL THEM TO CUT FOR THEMSELVES,

stay and cut for them unless you are done with the corn and in a situation where the corn cuts unevenly, don’t be shy, take the head part unless it’s the small part, always aim for the head and not the tip

 (I hope you know what I’m talking about ‘cause I didn’t do biology). I wish you a corn filled season and may the odds always be in our favour.



I've been postponing this update for quite some time. It's finally here. Sorry for the inconsistent updates, life is unpredictable. Thank you so much for the reads and for always sharing.

Love,
OMO AYAN
❤