Pa Chucks

 At number 5 Jones Street was a duplex with the layout of the old western region buildings with balconies, sorry verandahs and all. Being a posh area it seemed to stand out like a sore thumb especially with all the mansions surrounding it. Moreover, it seemed to be older than all the other buildings. The house had four flats on the first floor and eight ‘face-me-I-face-you’ rooms downstairs. Well, more like six with one toilet and one toilet cum room which was also rented it. Mornings were a problem not only with water problems but also the never ending line to make use of the bathroom. It was unfortunate to use the toilet whenever but even worse early in the morning.
There was a particular incident where they had to call the local police over the bathroom issue of a rundown building somewhere in the heart of Lagos. The fight was so severe, and Pa Chucks was nowhere to be found, I find that man a bit shady, did I say a bit? A lot.
The apartment housed twelve occupants including the landlord, how? Well you’ll see, there were people like Omo Igbo: Vincent, the typical guy that is jobless yet manages to pay rent and anytime he goes out, the first and last thing you notice is his perfume; Sisi Caro: General secretary Shaku Shaku Foundation, Major shareholder Aristo Plc., head cheerleader. The typical girl that only pays rent to have branch office, a place where she can stay but she never stays. In this case, her name is Barakat; Mr. Balo: We all had teachers that knew the workings of the cane, well, Mr. Balo occupies one of the flats upstairs. He is feared by everyone in the school where he works and always defaults in his payment of rent, well we all know, the government doesn’t pay so much.
The most important character in this house is Pa Chucks himself, the homeless landlord. He has rented out every apartment in his house because of this money, but he sleeps outside. Don’t ask me how he fares in bad weather or even in any weather at all. How about hygiene and quality rest? All I know is that Lagos is a mad place

Another Friday update.

Love,

Omo Ayan

💕

CRITICS' CHOICE AWARDS 2019 CRITIQUED

Today I’m giving a critique of the critics’ choice awards 2019
And starting off with Nicole Kidman, I mean, this look is so chic, she never looks bad, always rocking amazing looks back to back. This is simply amazing, not too much just enough detail, definitely one of my best looks

She is indeed the   pose    star. Indya Moore looks amazing in this white dress in winder she falls into the angelic section, glow baby, glow.

Rachel Brosnahan seals white as the colour of the night. The silver heels and sea green earrings aid the angelic glow from this all-white power suit. Definitely one of my best looks.

 Angela Bassett is looking dashing as always. I absolutely adore this look.

Emily blunt, the ‘Mary Poppins’ star looks magical in this dress, I’m beginning to thin magic is indeed her second  nature right next to angelic.

Mandy Moore has taken elegance to a whole new level. The cut, the belt and minimal accessories just scream elegant even without trying hard.

Poppy Delevigne looks super in this dress. It’s like she carries perfection along with her everywhere. This is so amazing I feel like angelic has not nearly captured the essence of this look. I’ll go with what a friend of mine always say, ‘English is crippled’, and I just can’t find the words to describe her at the moment.

I’m not a fan of the colour green but Anna Paquin has successfully made me green with envy.

Linda Cardellini, before I continue, let me just say that Zuhair Murad is one of my favourite designers ever and this black off shoulder is as chic as it can get. An amazing way of combining a glowing skin and mystery. Fantastic!!

Marin Hinkle in this black dress screams safe yet marvelous if I’m to borrow the words of eonline

Another black goodness is this wonderful YSL dress on Laura Dern. The cut is simply intriguing and the bracelet and clutch an amazing accompaniment for her hair. I love it

Maggie Gyllenhaal looks elegant in this look put together by fashion stylist Erin Walsh. The material, hair, makeup, bracelet, nails and that amazing colour just gives off queen vibes, I mean you can’t touch that.

Amy Adams absolutely blew me away with this blue gown, it is indeed a perfect match for the blue carpet. She slayed it especially with those green earrings that give just enough attention. Its perfect, the neck line, sleeve, ring, hair. Just amazing.

Another blue is by Kristen Bell, a look styled by Nicole Chavez accessorised with David Webb jewels

At first, I was skeptical about this dress and then bam it hit me, I love it, Olivia Munn has managed to combine different dimensions to give another yet wonderful look. And the length is absolutely perfect.

Did I mention that ‘Crazy Rich Asians’ is one of my best movies of all time and that’s including the cast? My first look is Awkwafina with this sparkly goodness. This dress is simply chic and I’m in love with it. Simple and shiny.

Next in line is Constance Wu, this dress is so amazing, I’m speechless. I literally just want to wear it. I love it and that is all I can say at the moment I’m too emotional.

Gemma Chan, one of the best characters in Crazy Rich Asians has evoked that power once again with this flowery dress, I feel like I can smell the fragrance from here and it screams prosperity.

I see Charlize Theron and it screams aquaman to me. The dress, makeup, attitude makes me see her as not only a superhero but a water nymph that has successfully transported us to Atlantis and with the earrings, I think I just might be correct.

I was almost done but I couldn’t resist these three looks: Emmy Rosum’s velvet red power dress, Patricia Heaton’s gorgeous gorgeousness (a dress I’d love to steal btw) and Kiki Layne showing us ‘how to work a red carpet’

UNDECIDED
I love Julia Roberts and her choice of dress today but I think it would have looked better with different hair and slim pants to draw more attention to the detail on the cape, it leaves me undecided

Another look that leaves me undecided is Kaley Cuoco rocking J.Mendel. At first I was like ‘what’s up with the zip and detail tho?’But later on, the hair, and stones on the dress took me from red to yellow, I just might be hitting green too

For some weird reason, I’m not impressed with Ricky Martin’s suit and that is not a common occurrence for me at all, especially when compared to suits of Topher Grace (who incorporated the weather element, amazing turtle neck, Viggo Mortensen going with the classic look and Rami Malek (hmm, it is in fact the year of Rami Malek, talent overload and the mystery behind his eyes, he deserves a round of applause over and over).

Amandla Stenberg, ‘The Hate You Give’ star is on my undecided look section simply because I feel the dress does not show off enough youthfulness. It is too ‘mature’ for an event such as this and so as much as I love the dress, for this occasion I undecided.

Sarah Silverman!! As much as I love and would have loved this dress by JOVANI, I’m distracted, there’s too much boob going on and honestly it blurs the line between taking risks on the red carpet and a fallout

Elsie Fisher wearing Thom Browne is leaving me confused. Why so many bows? Accompanied with the make up just makes me think of chucky.

As much as I hate to do this, Issa Rae falls in this category. The slit is the major ish and maybe the sleeves too. I’m just not feeling this dress, reminds me of the witch in mortal instruments, city of bones.

My worst look goes to (drum roll) Cody Fern. I mean what is this, looks like he didn’t get the memo and so was confused whether to wear crocs or twilight fur for winter protection and since he can’t go naked the dungarees will do. The outfit may have passed on its own, but coupled with the shoe? No, I do not like this look but I will not lie and say it’s not hilarious. I’m only curious as to what goes on in the head of these people? And by these people I mean, designer, stylist and end user.
On this note, I go to sleep, it’s been a hectic day.

source: eonline


LOVE,
OMO AYAN

SOKOYOKOTO

    I have cut the vegetables, started boiling the meat and the orisi risi. It was all getting to shape. Humph, I sighed as I wiped the sweat from my brows. The kitchen was warming up and the aromas are prepared for their debut. The stock fish was washed alongside the crayfish, smoked fish, dried okporoko, ponmo, etc. the stock cubes, and all the various spices alongside the ground crayfish. My kitchen was scattered but in the good sense of scattered. The aroma of the boiling meat and co started escaping their confinement into the freedom that is my kitchen and my nostrils. I took a peak at the cookery book in my iPad and was satisfied with what I’d done so far. Don’t get me wrong, I can make a perfectly sweet egusi, but you gotta spice it up every once in a while and that’s what I’m doing that, I’m so psyched. Everything was set. Behold, the beginning of the ‘nine lives’ egusi.

 I put the palm oil on fire and suddenly heard my phone ringing, I decided to reduce the heat and go get the phone in the sitting room. It’s Tunde, my husband and the one I’m doing all these for. See, he’s getting back today from his business trip and so he started giving me instructions on what to do in expecting him most of which I’d done, boy! Was I proud of myself or what? He had to go and so promised to call back and as soon as I dropped the call, the kitchen erupted in flames and in my haste to get there I tried tossing my phone on the sofa. Now don’t blame me, in such an emergency situation, only a few people will know what to do but, my mind was just shouting water, water!! Or maybe I was, I can’t remember. So I went and carried a bowl of water to the fire with the hope of extinguishing it but for whatever reason the devil has planned, it escalated pretty quickly. The fire started spreading and I rushed to get my phone and call the estate fire service only to realise the phone fell into the fish tank in the sitting room and was broken. I was done and the only thought on my mind was, ‘is this how I’ll burn my husband’s house down?’ the next thing I heard was griiiinnnngggg from the phone the broken phone and then I woke up.

It’s Tunde, giving me the exact instructions and the tab showing the cookery book at exactly the egusi page. Not today Satan!! That got me scared and distracted. Is the universe telling me something? His voice calling my name brought me back to reality and I quickly answered what him to repeat what he was asking and he said, ‘so what are you making for me or is it a surprise?’ the next thing I heard myself saying was ‘no, it’s no surprise just something simple, fried potatoes with the sauce.

In the spirit of #10yearschallenge and #flashbackfriday, I've decided to drop one of my old manuscripts. Here's a kiss from me to you 😘. Ps, Friday updates are steady 🎶

Love,

Omo Ayan

💝

FIVE TYPES OF NIGERIANS IN JANUARY

Hello people of God, it is a known fact that January i.e. the month that comes after festivities and parties which also doubles as the month of resumption comes with expenses way larger than salary and is as slow as three months. Well, here are five types of Nigerians in this month:
HAPPY GO LUCKY
They know of these facts yet spend like there’s no tomorrow.

Awon 30 billion gang.

FORBES LIST
This gang do not have the problem of bigger expenses compared to income so they keep spending and maybe even earn more, they may even throw wedding in January.

RICH DAD, POOR DAD
These ones have read every self-help, inspirational, motivational whatever book is out there and they save so much that when poverty eventually catches up with them, there’s virtually no difference. And January catches up with them by the 15th, so they’ll have no choice but to lie that that bank did nor haff network.

JOHN THE BAPTIST
These ones will always remind you to save, send BCs, pictures and they always conveniently forget to save for themselves or maybe they just like the good things of life.  Eventually, they borrow from the advised and eat lunch with their enemies.

MEH
We try to save (even though we eventually don’t), put it in our subconscious but finally know that save or no save=the same predicament so meh who cares, YOLO baby, God will provide, I cannot come and kee myself jare.

Welcome to the first list this year, I hope you enjoyed it. Also, I’m making a compilation of situations in which you don’t have to ask, ‘are we over?’
Much love,
Omo Ayan
❤

I trust I've kept my promise, here's an update.

What a mighty God we serve

Happy New Year, people of God!! During the weekend, there were a lot of ‘bangers’ which reminded me of an issue that happened in my area some years back. So we got one mai guard and by ‘we’ I mean the landlord’s association of my area. During the interview, bro Kamarudeen (Kamo for short) boasted of owning a lot of charms, saying he was part of the OPC and that on his watch, no evil can befall the community that even in fact mosquitoes will flee and goats will not roam about. We should have been suspicious bhet what did we know?
The first day on duty, na so so he carry the “shakabula” gun that is owned by the community and carried koboko on his belt ready to report for duty. That day, me I was kuku coming from church to my father’s house when this man shouted “stop there!!” ah ah! Who is that one again? na so I see gun, what have I done? Or is it my sister’s hotspot that I stole the previous day that has caused this mistaken identity problem? Jesus, have mercy. “Where you dey  go?” he asked me, “my father’s house” I meekly replied in a shaky voice while trying to be strong who knows maybe he’ll have mercy. He just shrugged and said “oh you’re their daughter, alright go inside”. When I got to the gate I was just praying that it was left open because I can’t stay long here just so he won’t change his mind. God is a merciful God sha, the door was open and after I entered the house with shaky legs I told my mother who consequently told my father before she went to warn him never to point a gun at her daughter again, hmm! Action mama, mama di mama. Bhet one thought sneaked into my mind, what if he decides to take revenge when I’m on my own? Let’s not think evil thoughts.

My good Lord did not allow him time to plan revenge because that night some boys came to my area. You see, the guy in front of our house loves coming home late so they followed him. He was playing his usual ‘sho le’ when they attacked. Mr. Macho, Bro Kamo came to the rescue, it was as if they came for him too when they pounced on him. In short, they beat him baje baje meanwhile they let the neighbor go with a warning. It was like ‘aransi’. The next day Bro Kamo resigned, well more like absconded and weeks after, my neighbor still had not stayed out late like that night. Well today, it’s a different case, our neighbor still stays out late as if the story never happened, well, I guess he could have used some beating too and till date, we’ve not set our eyes on Bro Kamo, only God knows “where he were”.

Hello and happy new year. So in my quest to be more responsible, I'm going to be updating every Friday at least for this month. Let's see how it goes. Now you can hold me responsible. Thank you so much for your patience and reads, you've been amazing. I love you all.

Love,

Omo Ayan

💋❤