For the love of all things relaxing

THE LEGEND OF IYA MUDA
     It is often said that the best delicacies maybe even anythings are found in the most unlikely places. Such was the case of Iya Muda as she was fondly called. Her ‘dundu’ (fries) were nothing short of heavenly. Imagine if you could get a taste of paradise in potato fries, hmm there you got it. Hot big potato fries with freshly fried akara, crisp golden brown dodo, a well fried meat bursting with flavours and an unexplainably curled ponmo that has enjoyed the baptism of ata dindin, Lord! That orgasmic taste. After the roundabout, along a dirt road that seems like the road to a herbalist in a Nollywood movie, just by the left by that road side was Iya Muda, the light in the dark and maker of goodness aka the fries. The fries that can throw a home into disarray and perhaps even fix some, dundu that can beckon on the god of thunder ‘ Sango’ and cause a dusk to dawn curfew. This might seem like such an exaggeration but this dundu wrecked a family.
    It is one of the most popular stories of Orita Meta. Kasim, a boy of about nine who just happened to come from a polygamous home stole some amount of money with which he bought this spectacular bowl of goodness from Iya Muda. His father from returning from his welding business discovered his loss and summoned all his household to find this ‘armed robber’ buried deep within his household. After endless questions which yielded no result, Iyawo kekere brought this ‘wonderful’ idea to turn the holy book. Indeed they did and it fell on Sanjo another child in the household which resulted in a ruckus. Iya Sanjo decided to clear her son’s name and as such hers and told the household that she would consult Sango, the god of thunder.
      The night was eerily quiet and his woman called her children to ‘press their stomachs’ and get the truth before it becomes inevitable. It is said that a head that will get punished will find that punishment even to the ends of the earth. Indeed, it was rainy season and all circumstances arranged itself such that within the twinkling of an eye, all was set. On that faithful day, the rain that fell couldn’t even qualify as rain, it couldn’t even qualify as a drizzle but the thunder boomed so loud that children ran to hold on to their mothers and the old ones knew judgment was here. Kasim died but nothing was placed on his body and so his mother ‘knew’ that her son didn’t steal anything and it was only a decoy to kill her only son and deprive her of her husband’s inheritance and that became the start of the war. The abandoned storey building bears witness.
      It was also rumored that the Baale would always buy the dundu especially when he offended his wife and that marked the beginning of the resolution of their fights. Good old days.
     Iya Muda also had an intricate knowledge of the Nigerian change system as complex as it is. You can never shortchange Iya Muda with her change. She will get her money to the last kobo. It was also rumoured that she was the fourth daughter of the famous ‘Alajo Somolu’ and that she once cheated a ghost of her change so much that the ghost took one of her eyes, this may have been because of the late night frying or the devil’s lantern that can’t see brighter than a ripe pawpaw when placed side by side, well, we’re not sure of the details.
    What I’m sure of is this particular incidence. I was sitting in my mum’s shop by the side of the road just behind Iya Muda’s stall when a fine car parked and made some orders. You know those orders that might seem confusing for an average trader but not Iya Muda. She handled it like a pro. The only problem was when the man counted wards of crisp one thousand naira notes as payment and demanded change. Some people are rich but cannot be cheated out of their money while some are just plain canny, well, I guess Iya Muda met her match with this one. They went back and forth with ‘ehm, oya bring 100 naira lemme give you 400’ and ‘you can bring that 50 naira let me give you 600 like that, do you understand?’ at a point even I was confused and gave up, but not this rich customer. After a while they ‘settled’ it or so I thought until minutes after the exchange, Iya Muda started raining curses on the ‘unfortunate, good for nothing man that’ll never see good in his life’ who just turned out to be the same ‘blessed customer’ of some minutes back. Apparently, he got the upper hand in that transaction in Iya Muda’s bid to outsmart him or maybe it was just God teaching her a lesson. I couldn’t laugh out loud but I was happy and told as many people as I could. Maybe she learnt her lesson, maybe she didn’t, I’ll never know ‘cause we packed away from there and I still miss those fries till now, never have I found a match nit to talk of a better fry maker than Iya Muda. That woman is a legend.

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OMO AYAN.